Ready to Defend Costa Rica

After weeks of diplomacy and in a complete surprise move the Costa Rican ministry of public security dealt a decisive blow against the communist armies of Nicaragua in their occupation of Isla Calero on the Rio San Juan.

Reports are that Sandinista forces loyal to General Eden Pastora are in disarray following the deployment of the Costa Rica Ticas, an elite specialist group recruited from among the ranks of the Costa Rica National Guard.

Word is that enemy forces were caught with their pants down and quickly surrendered after being offered a free night in the Hotel Del Rey, resident cedulas with refugee status, and all the chifrijo they can eat.

Costa Rican President Laura Chinchilla was unable to attend the troops on the battlefield, however offered her full support in the diplomatic effort behind closed doors.

Reports are that Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez withdrew his support of Nicaragua and the Bolivarian Alliance for the Americas (ALBA) after sampling the charms of doña Laurita rica and her polvo mas rico. Former President Oscar Arias has expressed full support of government efforts and is hoping to debrief his former protégé as soon as she returns to the national territory.

Tica Marines

Costa Rican amphibious forces have been purportedly deployed to the Rio San Juan from the USS Iwo Jima, however official involvement from the United States government is being concealed behind a smoke screen of joint operations with Panama.

Costa Rican National Guard on Full Alert

Regular marines stationed aboard ship have purportedly given plenty of support and training to members of the tica guard.

Mayor of San Jose, Johnny Araya is working behind the scenes to keep supply lines from San Jose open to troops in the field.

There are unconfirmed reports that Pamela Alfaro, daughter of his on and off girlfriend has gone to the front lines in an effort to get hardcore communist Sandinista forces to throw down their weapons as she gets “comenzadita.”

American tourists in the vicinity of the Gringo Gulch should be wary of members of the Costa Rican National Guard who are rumored to be working in an aggressive campaign to recruit brave American men into the newly formed national defense force.

90 Day Tourist Enlistments Available

Cien chicas have been reported as offering free sessions to conscripts. Enlistment contracts appear to be renewable in ninety day increments.